September 6, 2012
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Welcome to Fall
Wow. It’s already September. I just returned from my 20 year high school reunion last weekend, and Sophie Dawn turns a year this month. If those things aren’t cause for reflection, I don’t know what is. I find it amazing even still that I am now a stay-at-home mother who has an almost one-year-old daughter. If you’d told me five years ago that today this would be my life, I’d never have believed you. And yet here I am.
Although my heart sings every day, I must also admit that life is not without its share of fears and anxiety. I second guess myself constantly, wondering if my choice of quality time with Sophie over financial security for the family is the right one. I have a close friend who works constantly but already has a house for her two baby boys once they are adults, who also has college savings started (if not complete) and can provide every single thing they need, without hesitation. We, on the other hand, don’t even have health insurance. I can provide me, my love, and our simple home and life, but I can’t yet promise a secure future. Hell, I can’t even promise a secure present, except to say that, God willing, I’ll be in it with my whole heart and soul.
The point is, my fear is, did I make the right choice? Did I put us in jeapordy by quitting my job? In my defense, the non-profit work that I was doing was never going to afford us a second home, at least not any time soon. But I could have at least provided health insurance. Expenses would not feel quite so daunting.
I don’t know. All I know is that I am eating up every moment I spend with her, and I’m trying to use this time well. I don’t know how much impact it will have on her in the long run to have me home for however long we can swing it, but I know it is at very least good for *my* soul. And it feels right. And Sophie is strong, happy, and healthy. She wakes up from a nap and picks up one of her books by the bed and starts turning the pages, pointing at things and speaking her gibberish language. I love it. She screeches and yells a joyous noise when she is excited. She climbs everything she can, and walks holding on to our fingers or her push toys. She loves butternut squash, warm apples, peaches, steamed carrots, sweet potatoes and most of all egg. She is still so excited to experience other babies that she mauls them and tries to eat them. It’s adorable.
And on the 22nd of this month, we will head to Mt. Lemmon for a camping trip in celebration of her one year on this lucky planet. Thank God for that.
Comments (16)
Yes. You made the right choice. I read your years of professional misery. We were in somewhat similar miserable boats professionally. We both had/have our more than fair share of tests as parents. Yes. You made the right choice in my opinion.
@Lenore_Happenstance – thank you! I sure hope so. It feels right, but you can’t foretell the future so it is very hard to know.
@Shahrazad1973 - i have no clue if what i ever did as a parent is 100% the right way. but i know what was wrong and that was not having enough time to pay attention to my daughter when she needed it when she was younger and hurting because i was working a lot.
You made your choice. You can always go back to work and get another job. What you could not do, is go back and spend this time again with your child at that moment in her life. Be happy you chose to do this.
Then, when the time is right (and you’ll know it), go back to work.
I think you already know the answer.
It is always the right choice to spend the most time with the people you love. I am glad I was able to stay home with my daughter for as long as I could. Right now, you are her world. As her world expands and she is able to be more independent, if you want to explore part-time work, that is a good compromise.
The thing about choices is that we can make them and them make them again. From my chair, it seems you have made the right choice for the moment. I say you enjoy it.
Happy Birfday, Sophie!
welcome back I’ve missed you
I very much like that you had a choice! Also, it sounds like your choice is A-OK with your family. Not having medical insurance – my fingers are crossed for you there. Like Emjay1 says above, someday you are likely to go back to work, and find yourself juggling a different bunch of constraints focusing on time, and the lack of it.
@Lenore_Happenstance – I think we all do the best we can with what we have and know at the time. Your kiddo has a wonderful role model for a mom!
@Emjay1 – You are right. I am hoping I can actually find some sort of in-between land where I can work from homebut still have the necessary space i need to do it right. We shall see.
@doahsdeer – you know me well. Yes.
@suzyQ_darnit – That is what I have been thinking.
@buyit – Send me cake, and it’s a deal!
@jillcarmel – Aw, thanks!
@scifiknitter – Yes, the insurance is the sticky widget. But I am investigating a new option I just found out about that may work for us, so cross your fingers more! It’s tough getting a fair price when you don’t belong to a big company. In the mean time, I am doing what I feel is best at every turn and am hoping I am right.