Sophie has been a year old for about a week now. I can’t get over how simultaneously fast and slow that first year went. She walked many steps many times before her birthday, but on her birthday while camping she walked, fell, bonked her head and is now a bit more cautious. She will walk anywhere holding on to your finger though. All she needs is one, and she’s delighted to show you around the house, pointing and babbling. So, she’s not totally walking yet, but she’s not not walking either. Who knows how long she will pause here. All I can say is, she can take whatever time she needs. I have much more toddler proofing to do around the house.

For her one-year birthday we packed up the family and went camping at Rose Canyon Lake. My mother came along, as did some good friends of the family. I can’t think of a better way to ring in her first year than relaxing in the woods. It was much needed and it had been far too long. Sophie seemed to enjoy it a great deal, and was especially fond of all the rocks and dirt, and the tasting of as much of each as she could sneak before I grabbed whatever item it was out of her hand or fished it out of her mouth. I did a lot of fishing for rocks that weekend.

I am worn out today. The neighbors behind us are reshingling their roof, which means we get to listen to classic rock and hammering every day starting at five am. Add to that the restless night Sophie was having last night (teething, perhaps?) and you have a droopy Naomi. Methinks it’s time for reading and rest. Here’s hoping tonight is some solid sleep. Lord knows I need it.

Yesterday I was ridiculously productive. It was sickening, really. And I did it all with a very alert and very mobile almost-one-year old. I guess I’m professional grade now, eh? I have taken on a couple of social media clients to bring in a little cash, and so far that is easy enough and working out well. And somehow, someway, Ron stays busy with photography work as well. It’s tough, but we are making this thing work.

In any event, the days march on, and we continue to survive. Many days, I’d say we even thrive. When I get enough sleep, the challenge to come up with new ways to support our family and raise the tiny one and encourage the bigger ones and feed them all and help them love to learn and know how to love, and guide them in whichever of life’s season they are at — on most days, it’s fun, engaging, interesting stuff. On the off days, the tough days, the blue days, I just want some sleep and a hug. But that is how it is with most of us, no?

Sophie is a regular babbling brook these days. She’s been giving her g-sounds a whirl, and the garbling sounds she comes up with are joyful music to my ears. She is now copying words we say, and has come out with a pretty good “baby,” “dog,” and “bye.” She still says momma or mom most often, followed by dad and dadda. We are still working on sissy or Carina and Jamie.

Last weekend we went to Patagonia lake to scout it out as a potential location for her first birthday celebration. It was a fun trip and we got some great shots of her, but we decided Mt. Lemmon is more along the lines of what we were looking for. So the weekend after next, to celebrate her birthday, we will go camping at Rose Canyon Lake on Mt. lemmon. We have always been a big camping and outdoors family, so what better way to celebrate her first year on planet Earth? I can’t wait.

And how are you all out there?

Wow. It’s already September. I just returned from my 20 year high school reunion last weekend, and Sophie Dawn turns a year this month. If those things aren’t cause for reflection, I don’t know what is. I find it amazing even still that I am now a stay-at-home mother who has an almost one-year-old daughter. If you’d told me five years ago that today this would be my life, I’d never have believed you. And yet here I am.

Although my heart sings every day, I must also admit that life is not without its share of fears and anxiety. I second guess myself constantly, wondering if my choice of quality time with Sophie over financial security for the family is the right one. I have a close friend who works constantly but already has a house for her two baby boys once they are adults, who also has college savings started (if not complete) and can provide every single thing they need, without hesitation. We, on the other hand, don’t even have health insurance. I can provide me, my love, and our simple home and life, but I can’t yet promise a secure future. Hell, I can’t even promise a secure present, except to say that, God willing, I’ll be in it with my whole heart and soul.

The point is, my fear is, did I make the right choice? Did I put us in jeapordy by quitting my job? In my defense, the non-profit work that I was doing was never going to afford us a second home, at least not any time soon. But I could have at least provided health insurance. Expenses would not feel quite so daunting.

I don’t know. All I know is that I am eating up every moment I spend with her, and I’m trying to use this time well. I don’t know how much impact it will have on her in the long run to have me home for however long we can swing it, but I know it is at very least good for *my* soul. And it feels right. And Sophie is strong, happy, and healthy. She wakes up from a nap and picks up one of her books by the bed and starts turning the pages, pointing at things and speaking her gibberish language. I love it. She screeches and yells a joyous noise when she is excited. She climbs everything she can, and walks holding on to our fingers or her push toys. She loves butternut squash, warm apples, peaches, steamed carrots, sweet potatoes and most of all egg. She is still so excited to experience other babies that she mauls them and tries to eat them. It’s adorable.

And on the 22nd of this month, we will head to Mt. Lemmon for a camping trip in celebration of her one year on this lucky planet. Thank God for that.

Oh, hai again! I’m 11 months old today! Time sure does fly when you are a rapidly growing baby. Or at least that’s what mommy says. I spend all my time exploring so I don’t think too much yet about the passage of time. That’s probably a good thing. I saw a puppy! It was like a small Lucy. I love Lucy very much. I have fun playing with all sorts of other babies at the play dates and story times mommy takes me to. And by playing with I mean trying to eat, mostly. I have taken a total of 7 unaccompanied steps now! Mommy seems delighted. I am still not sure what I’m doing exactly but it’s fun. I eat all sorts of food these days. My favorite is eggs. I love eggs. And peaches. And carrot. I still love carrots an awful lot. I love the sound that my teeth makes when they grind together. This makes mommy crazy! Ha ha! I also love to clap and wiggle my booty and bob up and down. Life is just lots of fun! Except when I’m tired. Being tired is really awful. Okay, I guess that’s all for now! See you in a month!
*edit* I’m a day early, apparently. I’ve thought it was the 22nd all day but it’s the 21st..

Today is Child the Eldest’s 18th birthday. My heart is heavy with sadness. I have always been very open about the goings-on in my life, perhaps because I have the soul of a writer or perhaps because I don’t have the mental power to keep track of what is public and what is private anymore, what with the age of social media and all. But I think this is one thing I must keep mostly private out of respect for Child the Eldest. I will say only that she is having a hard time finding her way in this world right now and that I’m quite anxious and very sad. I also want Sophie to know, when she gets older, that her Big Big Sister loves her very much, and that is all that truly matters. Big Big was once an innocent baby too, and in many way, still is. Today, I light a candle and sit in prayer for our oldest child. God be with you, dear one.

Last night I actually slept a full 8 hours, which means today I feel I could conquer the world. Amazing what enough sleep can do for you. I have been running on such a low battery for so long, I forgot what it feels like to be well rested! I hope this continues. A girl could get used to this.

Sophie is napping sweetly right now (as if she could nap any other way) and since I have finished almost everything I hoped to today (go, energy!) I have a little “me” time. That also feels good.

I’m currently working on trying to finish child-proofing the house. For the most part, we give her complete freedom to explore (or that is the goal anyway), but I am securing things that simply must be secured and putting away things that can’t be secured, for her safety and my peace of mind. My life will be much easier once this process is complete. Until then, I chase her and pick her up so frequently that by the end of the day I feel I have logged miles and lifted hundreds. Looking forward to less of that. I’m sure she is as well!

Sophie’s newest tricks are clapping, standing unassisted all the time, and waving “hi” and “bye”! So fun! We have been going to baby time at the library and to lots of mom and baby groups, which has been good for both of us. If nothing else, I am getting out of the house and she is learning that it’s not okay to eat other babies. We also went to the zoo recently, but it was so hot neither of us enjoyed it all that much. Maybe later this fall will be better.

And how are all you lovelies today?

Long day today, but a good one nonetheless. The high point was when Sophie decided to start practicing standing unassisted. Ron and I were resting on the bed and she would stand up in between us and wave her arms around, occasionally reaching for the sky, all while looking about with a huge smile on her face as if to say, ”isn’t life grand?” Yes, dear one. With you in it, it’s ever so grand.

So. We are midsummer here in Tucson and while the rest of the nation is seeing record-breaking heat, I am amazed by how few days overall we have seen temps rise over 100 degrees. I’m usually cursing the weather more regularly by now. Unless my memory fails me. It could happen.

Last night we had some nice rains, but I’m wanting more. Monsoons are my favorite time of year here, when the rains occur with gusto. Don’t like being short-changed on nature’s most beautiful symphony. It’s why we endure the heat, after all.

Sophie is blooming like a morning-glory, and I’m loving it. She’s so much more interactive these days! She plays peekabo and ball with me. She shares her food with me and Lucy. She fishes toys from the bathtub while I bathe (this was my solution to her new mobility and blossoming independence. I tried a little chair and table set up but she was bored by that after two baths. It was bathtub fishing or a 4:30am shower. I chose the fishing.)

Anyway, it’s fun these days, even if I do get a lot of exercise chasing after her. I can’t begin to imagine how exhausted I’ll be when she walks!

She has both her top teeth in, finally, although they are still just tiny nubs. I’m just glad they finally broke through the gums. I suspect her recent 3:30am wakings have been due to teething, so we shall see tonight if I am correct.

She is napping peacefully next to me right now as I consider sneaking in some housework. I’m thinking maybe I’ll take the day off on that. Three days in a row of waking up before dawn can catch up to a person. And since I’m the only member of our household who is bothered by a mess, I think I can get away with playing hooky.

And how are you all today?

Some days I feel like Warrior Mother, kicking ass and raising awesome humans. Other days I just feel exhausted and wonder if I am doing anything right at all. Today is the latter. Sophie has a tooth just about to break through the skin and she is cranky, not falling asleep as easy as she usually does and waking at the slightest noise. She also is my glue shadow and doesn’t want to be without me for a moment. I’m not sure what is teething, what is normal developmental stuff, and what is something I’m doing wrong (if anything). All I know is the last day or two has been tough.

Even so, I count my many blessings. She is healthy, and appears to be a very curious, alert, and happy baby. Hopefully if I am taking a few wrong turns she will be smart and resilient enough to weather them. Oh, and I love her with every fiber of my being. So there’s that, too.

Happy Independence Day (a day late)! Sophie was thinking about what she could do to celebrate, but then I reminded her that she’s only nine months old and doesn’t even know English yet so she decided to just carry on like every other day.

For the most part, our day was uneventful. We had friends over and played in the pool and played in the rain and ate Mexican food and in general just relaxed until the fireworks. I bowed out and stayed home to put Sophie to sleep, which turns out to have been a good decision, since the consensus is that the show was ”lame” and ”boring.” In any case, Independence Day somehow served to remind me that every day since her birth that is what we work on, her independence, and that she is only a baby for a little while. I’m planning to enjoy every second of it because I know as well as anyone just how quickly that time flies by. Right now, I snuggle my small, squirmy, banging, crawling, giggling, pooping, pre-linguistic little human and praise all that is good in the world for her existence, for one day she will be grown. Even though I will miss all that she is as baby Sophie, I’m excited and thrilled to meet who she becomes as grown Sophie (and everything in between)!

So happy Independence Day, y’all. I hope it was full of reminders of the joys of existence.